Ethics and Reality Attachment As an Industry Participant

Before I begin....

I would like to sincerely thank various Adultforum members, industry participants and obviously Erin and L (my two current/former WL friends that have much featured here) for the various acts of support and encouragement during my recent difficulties. These acts of generosity and "pick me ups" have been much appreciated. Some of these things are obviously private in nature but everyone concerned knows how much they have meant to me.

How connected are you to reality? Playing with potentially explosive mixes!

Many recent e-mail exchanges with Voyager have caused me to write this post. My own views on the "abnormality" issue to do with the industry mirrors that of Voyager's. Fundamentally, I believe that people need to understand and accept the reality that acts done within industry context, along with various attitudes commonly held by its "members", do in many respects mark them out as different - but not necessarily morally wrong - from the rest of the society. Society's structures and foundations are also built to promote and support values/expressions that are often altogether quite different from what is typical in the industry. So being in the industry as a provider (and often times even as a paying client) can be hard, with all manner of deceit, convenient truths, and fakery needed to manage all sorts of things, ranging from not getting "caught" by hypocritical, "respectable" people in "real life" to managing the intense emotions that can nonetheless occasionally develop between two people in a purportedly sex-for-financial rewards exchange.

With all this in mind, I am continually alarmed and dismayed by the reckless "playing" of potentially highly vulnerable or even damaged people by workers and clients, with scant regard for the individuals concerned and their innate vulnerability. Here are some examples:

• The "friends" game - this is one game that is sadly played far too often by both providers and clients. For the non rose-tinted glasses wearers, it should be obvious that it happens far more often that many care to admit that people from both ends of the game disclose quite serious emotional vulnerabilities/turmoil to one another. These disclosures typically occur within already fraught contexts of "favourite client to WL", "WL telling her inner-most, daddy-complex needs to older male client with lots of money", "financially desperate WL vulnerable to real life pressures outs it all to a client" etc. One party then seizes on the vulnerability and proceeds to try and gain an advantage, either financially or things like free sex, emotional power-tripping etc.

The problem? You're actually talking about people potentially playing with someone who is already depressed, someone abandoned/abused by their father, or someone who is feeding the WL's financial needs via money in a joint account held with his wife. All of these are real life examples that I am aware of and I am hardly exceedingly well-connected throughout this industry.

And let's not get started (too much anyway) on how in many cases such purported friendships can be literally the first (or at least the first in many-a-eon in time) seriously/seemingly serious human connection had by the vulnerable party. Does the abusive party stop to reflect on the emotional devastation that may ensue once they decide to "move on"?

Connected with all this is the unwillingness and inability of the rose-tinted glasses wearers in this industry (i.e. the vast majority) to understand or accept that industry participation frequently intersects with existing dispositions/vulnerabilities that are highly dangerous and emotionally explosive. I am talking about things like depression, alcohol/drug abuse, childhood/sexual abuse, relationship breakups, social difficulties, and the like. Do you REALLY want to wantonly play with people from such a potentially dangerous pond?

• The "rape but not quite rape" game - what I mean here are those instances in bookings (or even friendships between providers and clients who initially began things by seeing each other professionally) where one individual (usually the client/man) initiates sex acts - usually penetrative acts involving the provider's genitalia/anal/mouth areas - when such services are not clearly advertised as being "on the menu" or where the man does little to nothing to ensure that the other person consents.

Here's news to these guys: you're actually seriously risking being investigated/prosecuted for committing sexual violation (maximum prison sentence: 20 years) when you do that. Merely because someone is lying naked next to you does not mean they consent to a finger up the ass, nor does someone cuddling you as a friend mean they wish to have vaginal intercourse with you. Even if the other person doesn't report you or you "get away with it", it still makes you a ratbag AND you're risking serious emotional harm to an already vulnerable person. Of course, the apparent acceptability of such acts stem from myths about sex and sexual violation like how so many people still refuse to believe that it is sexual violation unless someone is beaten to a pulp or vaginally violated. Allow me to quote from the author of this article:

"Negotiating romantic encounters without presumption and with an emphasis on establishing boundaries openly and verbally is ultimately about treating other people as no less than oneself or one's own desires. Consent – and indeed all of romance – should be about mutual affection and respect."

Yes there might be no affection or romance in a booking at least but the same spirit ought to apply. The "take out" I am hoping to deliver here is a much greater reflection that playing in the industry pond makes everyone concerned vulnerable because we are forced to go against societal "norms" AND that many people who play in this pond are already vulnerable. A bit of cheap jollies and possessiveness isn't worth the harm that you can inflict on someone, so please think before you act.