Busting the mythology of safe sex

Yesterday, a post on Adultforum caused me to do a considerable amount of thinking. In response to a query on tips for punting in Thailand, a poster linked to a website of a brothel where the women working there were routinely advertised as offering services such as cum in mouth, cum swapping (when a man gets a bi-double), allowing a man to p*** on them, and so forth. All this at supposedly bargain rates of less than $80 NZD for a 90 minute booking with one girl. The particular poster concerned appeared to be rather proud of the supposed bargain on offer, as well as his generosity in sharing that information.

In other related threads on AF there were also suggestions by posters that people should consider paying what probably amounts to less than $20 NZD per day for a "live in" casual GF who in addition to providing sexual services (likely of the kinds that are most unsafe), would also act in a capacity which probably resembles more of an indentured servant than anything else. These posters are all presumably punters in their local cities and some have been known for very vociferously calling out unsafe sexual practices by local WLs.

So what the fuck is your point?

My intention is not to explore the ethical and sexual health issues surrounding these matters per se. All that needs to be said (and well said at that) has been done by Voyager. And I agree with every word of his. I am far more interested in having people contemplate the implications of these people being part of our collective punting circles and what this says about the mythology of safe sex that constantly swirls within the punting community in NZ.

What do you mean by mythology of safe sex?

This is obviously a working definition for the purpose of facilitating this discussion. But I think it is a phenomenon that is easily observable to anyone with a degree of honesty who punts (or works) and regularly observes some of the online adult services forums. I define the "mythology of safe sex" as the wrongheaded belief by providers and punters alike that the services they provide and/or receive pose no/extremely little health risk because during the sessions, everybody religiously covers up for vaginal penetrative sex and BJs on the client. All this when these people choose to be blind to (1) the kinds of services/providers that some of these punters are likely to pursue (see above) away from where they need to keep up their appearances of wanting only safe sex, (2) everyone ignoring their own unsafe personal sexual practices, and (3) the cognitive dissonance surrounding the routine lauding of services such as unprotected oral on providers whilst simultaneously decrying bareback BJs on clients (for example).

For (1), just contemplate this imaginary, ghastly picture. You are some "high class", well-reviewed WL advertising on NZ's dominant (and frankly only effective) online advertising platform. Like most WLs on there, GFE is basically standard fare, especially in the big cities. The guy who passionately sticks his tongue into you had a booking with two girls at the above-named Thai brothel one week ago where he came inside the mouth of girl A and A and B then probably the male client then indulged in a bit of cum-swapping. Goodness knows on how many others A and B recently performed this service. At this point the male client may or may not be carrying ghastlies in his mouth and the WL may or may not have cuts in her gums and mucous membranes in her mouth and other conditions that may facilitate a disease transfer.

And sure, not every punter goes to Thailand. But what about the middle-aged dude who happily jumps into bed with her new, 45 year old GF and fucks away rubber-less because "she's way past the age of conceiving". Do you really think this is rare?

On (2), all I ask is people genuinely look inside their own hearts and ask how many times in their past have they performed or received bareback oral (on or as a male). This stuff is standard fare in "ordinary" NZ sex life as any experienced sexual health practitioner will tell you. A number of years ago a friend (NOT L or Erin- just FYI) who then did a shift or two a week at a well-known brothel once casually performed oral on me because, according to her, except for doing disgusting people who pay her for sex, covered stuff is just no fun. Like Voyager, I got myself tested and fortunately came out okay. In honest conversations with close friends/associates who are now between their late 20s to mid 30s, almost every single one of them (you're talking about people holding very responsible jobs, multiple degrees, having high IQ etc) admitted to various kinds of indiscretion -- mostly fortunately not of recent vintage -- ranging from bareback oral to full-blown unprotected vaginal sex with strangers. Most have gotten themselves tested whilst others say there is no need, apparently because they have no symptoms!

On (3), the lack of space doesn't really allow me to fully explore the comparative risk of a WL who always plays safe with clients allowing oral on her versus her providing uncovered BJs with clients. But the idea of being "sloppy-seconds" on a WL after she might have been pleasured by someone in the first example ought to disturb anyone with a sound mind.

In conclusion

I think this discussion is sufficient to justify the following concluding thoughts:

1. There is no SAFE SEX in punting. Safer (comparatively speaking, in terms of hooking up with randoms, especially amongst the middle-age whose knowledge and actual practice of condom use is alarmingly bad) sex maybe. But if you absolutely cannot and will not bear the risk of potentially catching something (many STIs are curable, some are not), then don't play.
2. If you're in a committed relationship where your partner doesn't know your habits, I hope you are even more bloody careful.
3. Don't take what people loudly proclaim in respect of their alleged beliefs over safe sex and safe practices too seriously. Reality is often different and how safe they can be might well be out of their hands.
4. Most importantly, GET TESTED. Regularly.

Hope this wasn't too disturbing...



.