Loneliness and Isolation As An Industry Participant

Some quick reflections on this issue in view of recent chats and the like with Erin and L, the former and current working escorts that have been featured widely in this blog. Both of whom have, of course, become friends with yours truly in our own ways.

As far as I am aware, not one of Erin nor L's "real life friends" (i.e. secure friends they had prior to entering the industry) knew or know about the fact that they worked or are working. They both relied or continue to rely on industry support networks in one form or another, be it AdultForum's forums for escorts only (to take note of details of creeps), informal industry networks, and the odd WLs that they ended up getting on with well-enough for a bit of mutual support or basic friendships. But these things - as far as it has been made known to me anyway - tend to be more work safety/work practicals focused, rather than evolving into the type of enduring, secure friendships that they had and obviously continue to have in "real life".

Such experiences appear to mirror those of other WLs, according to Erin and L, and frankly also to that of most punters. I am fortunate in that my punting is not a secret to my long term partner and is part of our agreement in respect of our long term, exclusive relationship (neither of us are sexually monogamous, however). One of my best friends also knows, along with some people that I would term more as associates than friends who also punt. Otherwise, this aspect of my life is played out as a complete and utter lie in front of most people I hold close and dear.

And I think I can safely speak for most people that none of us enjoy "living the lie" and the sense of isolation and more that it entails. The problems operate on many levels - for the WLs sometimes there are issues as to who one can trust when it comes to wanting to offload a bit of baggage and "whinge" when it comes to working-related issues. The veil of secrecy and distrust (sometimes justified; other times not) amongst even industry providers/participant clearly doesn't help in this instance.

For those unusual cases where a punter and a WL has become friends, it's often not easy to know how far, how fast, and the extent to which friendships can be taken. I for one will be forever grateful that L has readily accepted my apologies and explanation for my own hesitancy in the course of our friendship developing. Simply put, despite my own promises and protestations that I would never judge a provider for being a provider per se, having been pretty severely emotionally burnt in the course of a friendship with another my head just jolted back for a while and was telling me to back away. Once our friendship had formed, a period of silence coming from her (which turned out to be entirely innocuous) was then interpreted by yours truly as my having been ditched because I must have done something terribly wrong in her eyes. These kinds of minor dramas aren't exclusive to friendships/relationships formed out of industry participation but the contexts certainly can exacerbate them. Having demonstrated so much understanding towards my own self-made issues, I can now honestly say that I feel L and my friendship is entirely secure but I am forever aware that a less understanding person might have easily sent me packing long ago.

Then there are those twisted individuals who (whether as clients/former clients, real life "friends", or associates) try to come on to providers knowing that they are in the business that they are in, that they often feel a sense of isolation/difficulties holding down relationships or truly honest/open friendships, and try to "come on" to such individuals to try and get free sex or satiate some kind of need for a "conquest". Erin mentioned numerous instances of clients/former clients or associates who knew at least some of her working background and even sense of isolation/loneliness, yet nonetheless still chose to "play" her. In rare instances, they "succeeded" with the result of her being left more cynical, feeling hurt and betrayed, and ever more isolated.

Generally speaking, most people take part in this industry with their eyes opened and few are damsels or poor sods in distress and in need of some "rescue". However, people need to understand that in exchange for whatever other personal/financial gains that participating in this industry might provide them, those who "play the game" do often pay an emotional price. If you by chance have the fortune of having a participant open up to you as a friend (or more), then please for goodness sake try and understand the issues involved and, more importantly, at a minimum treat them with some respect and honesty. They need that at least as much as you do, if not more.