A (continuing) search for authenticity (II)

The last post explored some of the people that have really influenced my life. Now I should detail a few events that have particularly shaped my worldview and my attitudes towards the industry also.

Those "what ifs"

Like many people in this country, I have witnessed first hand the ultimate tragedy of losing someone very close and dear to suicide. In fact I know the deceased is known to have attempted to make contact with me prior to doing the act. The knowledge that I was not able to take her call (and not knowing whether my being able to do so would have made any difference) haunts me greatly to this day.

But I am even more haunted by the knowledge that in a certain way I had a highly contributory role (and arguably a direct role) in a beautiful, vibrant and by all accounts, fantastic young woman departing this earth courtesy of the illegal act of a third party. I don't wish to go into details (both to protect my own discretion and that of my family/friends and because this is so painful) but it suffices to say that there was no unlawful, negligent, or professional code-breaching conduct on my part. I was tasked with upholding the rules of the "game" that the killer found himself in and had to make a recommendation that resulted in the killer not being confined somewhere. This person then took the life of an entirely innocent person a few months later through his very stupid choices and actions -- but he wouldn't have been out in the public without my recommended course of action, however justified/justifiable my recommendations were at the time.

What these two events have taught me is that human systems are imperfect, that there are regrets and holes in life that can never be filled or resolved, and that one can earnestly do his/her best and things can still blow right the fuck up. Most importantly, though, they taught me that all I can really control in terms of how I interact with people is whether one chooses to be as kind and understanding as possible. Of course, I also maintain a degree of control over my own interpretation of the meaning of events.

How have these events influenced my views of the industry/people in it?

In simple terms, unlike a lot of participants in this industry, I try to reject any judgements of anybody based on their membership of a class. I judge you as a person/persona based upon your conduct that can be seen and assessed and frankly despite the curtains of illusion, there is still plenty to see.

Although I acknowledge that there are plenty of shysters in this industry (providers, clients and others), I generally choose instead to be amazed by the extraordinary levels of emotional fortitude, social consciousness, and sense of giving that participants can at times muster. I also try to embrace those unusual, serendipitous opportunities that life sometimes present to me in further interacting with current/previous participants in this industry despite the social stigma that can be attached to them, without ever actively searching for such connections.

Having said that, I do not believe in "rescues". Most people do bear a large responsibility for the plight that they can find themselves in. I was one of the many people involved in this industry who tried to assist a previously well-known participant in this industry from what seemed like a slowly played out train-wreck of life, an unhealthily exploitative relationship, and all round crazy choices. Yet we all "failed" in correcting the course of events -- the failure is this person's and not anyone else's. More importantly, most people that participate in this industry are not failures that require "rescues", just as most people do not require rescues.

Ultimately I believe people all choose to participate in this industry in one form or another for their own reasons. What matters to me is that in choosing to pursue their own goals and ends, everyone should be able to do so freely, without coercion and, most importantly, with a respect and recognition of each other's inherent human dignity. I long particularly for a day when impressive current/previous members of this industry such as Erin and L, do not need to hide their participation and, most importantly, do not need to feel isolated and lonely in especially their emotionally and physically demanding roles of being service providers.


... next time I will write a small tribute to Erin and L, two people in the industry who have really opened my eyes