Lessons of Industry (I)

I recently had the immense pleasure of sitting down and talking with Yana about all things to do with the industry. For those who have followed my and Voyager's posts on industry professionalism, it's very apparent to me that Yana's understanding of the industry and her all around attitude demonstrates professionalism in spates.

Aspects of Yana and my conversations will likely be developed into a series of blog posts. The first topic to explore is a recent post by Petra Fox on AdultForum on the issue of punters/providers falling for one another and potential crossing of boundaries. We both agreed it was one of the most insightful and meaningful posts on this issue.  The whole post bears repeated reading by all even remotely interested in this issue but the last couple of lines are especially worth remembering:

"But hey, it obviously occasionally happens - and when it does there is no chasing involved, no coercion or craziness, no threats or drama. It just happens. One person makes a small gesture and the other either takes it or doesnt. End.Of.Story."

It's important to note that I think Petra clearly agrees that the odds for anyone on both typical "ends" of this industry finding "real" love or whatever else that people tend to desire in crossing the proverbial Rubicon is rarely found. But Yana and I both found it refreshing that she was prepared to acknowledge the real goings on despite the low odds and to provide the beginnings of some "things to watch" and a management framework were it to happen. I think we definitely distilled a few principles:

1. Leave it to the provider to make the first move. Always. The starting point is/should be clear to the intelligent: you pay for the provider's time, they pleasure you in exchange for money, and you have whatever fun that you mutually agree to within this starting point. If things never go beyond that, no one owes anybody a thing.
2. Don't even remotely consider any kind of consensual boundary crossing if you (a) (regardless of which side of the fence you are on), don't have at least above average social perception in terms of being able to objectively assess and sensibly estimate whether your potential interlocutor has any social or additional interest in you; (b) have a tendency to really believe that everyone is enamoured with or in love with you.
3. Making friends and potentially more in life is often heavily dependent on serendipity. If you don't understand what this is and what it means, you're liable to force things, make unwelcomed advances, or just plain scare people off. If you are even the slightest bit lacking in this respect, just make things in the industry purely commercial.
4. A lot of times the serendipity involved is to do with one or both sides being in need, fragile, or just having bad moments.  To let the serendipity "take hold" and potentially consensually take things further to a social coffee or whatever may mean an element of exposing/mutually exposing one's vulnerability. You can potentially get hurt.
5. There are exploitative people that cross boundaries but sometimes things can go very well.

This list can go on and on but I hope one thing is clear: this just resembles real life and human relationships (in the widest sense of the word) generally, does it not? And no intelligent person ought to be surprised, for this industry is just a subset of life. I think I can speak for Yana and myself in contending that in contemplating/surviving the issue of consensual boundary crossing in the industry context, many of the same social conventions and indicia of normal human behaviour that is socially adaptive (i.e. likely to enhance overall community well-being if widely adopted) equally apply. Respect people's freedom to choose, being contextually aware, take responsibility for your own physical/emotional safety, "trust but verify" when it comes to strangers, and recognise that life is a balance of risks and rewards. Things don't always end well in anything.

In the above respect, let me quickly cross-reference back to the debate between Voyager and myself on whether many participants in the industry are "normal" in any true sense of the word. One thing Voyager observed is that arguably many involved in the industry are not "normal" in that they exhibit sexual appetites and practices that far deviate from the norm but ultimately people involved in the industry are at large not too different from "the rest".  I couldn't agree more and hopefully a return to some sensible "first principles" of interacting with fellow humans and assessing people on their individual merits will serve to enhance everyone's involvement.